Here Are Few Reasons I Try Not To Judge People

Not judging people can be the most difficult rule in life to live by. In the world where we observe on daily basis people acting funny and stupid, it’s difficult not to point an accusing finger at people.

My sister was telling me the other day about her observations, It was about another person. Her observations were noticeable, it was obvious to me. But because it was about another person, I didn’t respond, I kept mute, I didn’t want to judge. Actually, not responding made me boring, just as I use to be sometimes. I kept mute because i don’t want to judge the other person, not because I’m a saint or I know it all, but because I don’t want to judge people.

It’s difficult though, but I just have to try, for my own good.

And because…

Judging is a waste of energy

Every component of a human being is made up of energy. According to Scientist, the energy our brain produces every day is capable of powering an electric bulb. We use energy when walking, talking, eating, thinking, laughing, smiling, dreaming, breathing, even when holding hands with that special person.

When you judge you give out your energy to an unproductive course. There are many other things we can invest the extra energy we have every day on rather than wast it. We can use it to save the world or reserve it for tomorrow, who knows the challengings tomorrow is coming forthwith.

Not only is judging a waste of energy, it’s also a…

A waste of time

It’s nothing, it’s just 1 to 10 minutes of small talk, you might say. I already have 1,440 minutes a day 1 or 10 out of it won’t hurt, you may add.

Even 60 minutes won’t matter, until you have judged hundred persons, then you can do the maths. It may start to matter.

It takes one minute to think myself into happiness or self-talk myself into a good mood. So I will rather try to spend a minute in happiness than judging people.

Judging makes us blind to facts

When we activate our Amygdala, that part of our brain that is responsible for judging, the chief judge of our mental faculty, we become blind to facts.

We forgot that this other person doesn’t have the kind of experiences we have had. We forgot that most people weren’t brought up by lovely mum, dad, brother, sister, guidance etc.. We forgot that most people didn’t attend the sort of school we attended. We forgot that most people aren’t eating the kind of food that we are eating, the kind needed for the development of the brain, which can make someone think well, so to act well. We even forgot that these people are trying to lead their own life.

Because we want to please that part of our brain, we ignore all this facts and judge.

Judging leads to anger

Although most time, we don’t judge people because we are pissed off by their actions or deeds, sometimes it’s just something to catch fun with.

But most time judging leads to remembering something that happened in the past. In some cases, it’s a hurtful event that happened in the past which you might have forgetten. When judging you will try to remember how it all went down, then you touched the sore that has almost healed and it starts bleeding again.

Judging leads to hatred

One of the greatest rules of life Is to love your neighbour as you love yourself. The rule says love, not like. I don’t like most people I meet every day in the street, in fact, most of them are annoying, it will probably be impossible to like them. But what I can always do is love them.

Loving your neighbour is all about not have any bad feelings for them, wishing them the best in life. But that sort of feeling can be difficult to harbour when judging people.

Hold on. We are not talking about the romantic kind of love here.

Just by speaking unfavourably about someone, you have already activated a resentment feeling. And you know, love and resentment can not follow in the same direction at the same time. And you probably know what opposite of love is…

Judging makes us look like the perfect guy

Judging people not only make us blind to other people’s struggles, it makes us blind to our imperfections.

You may think you are fun to be with, to someone out there you are just annoying and acting as if you know it all. That is the kind world we live in, a world where every individual sees things differently.

Judging people make us look as if we are God, although we are gods, a small one I believe. But judging people makes us big God. It makes us look as if we have completely figured out how life should be. It makes us look like we have grown above mistakes.

But we have not.

Judging other people leads to other people judging us

Judging not so that you will not be judged, that is the master teacher advice two thousand years ago, I think it’s still relevant today.

I don’t want people to judge me so I rather not judge people. Because if I found out that someone judged me especially not knowing the reason why I did what I did, I will be angry, my anger will lead to negativity and the negativity leads to negative thoughts and feelings, which leads to the wrong type of action I wish for my life.

I hate negativity.

But, it’s difficult to observe some stupid stuff some people do and still keep mute. That is an honest truth. In fact, to save myself from not judging I think about writing and then I write. You just need to find something to distract yourself from judging people.

Some reasons why you should not judge people Click To Tweet

But I have a problem, I can’t stop judging my little niece and nephew. Maybe I need to learn how to judge them with love. At their age, they need all the corrections they can get, so when I’m around them and they do stupid things I will judge them, but maybe with love.

Or maybe I should also judge people with love… Is it possible? How do I do that? That will be another discussion for another day.

For now, just don’t judge.

How to Improve Your Life Using The 1% Rules

Improvements or changes only happens to someone when he or she believes there’s something to improve. So I want to ask, are you comfortable with the state of your life right now or there’s something to improve? I believe we all have something to improve in our life.

I believe a fulfilled life involves the balancing of these various areas in life health, wealth, happiness, love, relationships, spirituality and freedom, that is my life long goal, to attain a state of fulfilment In life.

In the last two years, I have been working on becoming the best version of myself. One of the thing that has encouraged me on this journey is the amazing truth I found out about human. I have found out that as human, we are an incredible being with unlimited potentials. We have the ability to change the course of our life any time, any day. You may already know about this, among all the creatures in the whole universe human beings are the only creations that have the ultimate control over their mind. We have the freedom to choose our thoughts and then actions, these are actually where the ability we have to change our life grows from, in our freedom of thoughts and actions.

One of the problems I discovered (examining people and myself) that hinder most people from becoming the best version of themselves is the want for instant gratification, the Idea of wanting quick and big wins with no effort.

That had my life heading in the wrong direction, I will say. I will stake a little amount of money in the betting shop and hope to wins millions. The problem is not about being a gambler, the problem is about the delusion I was living in, the idea that I will win millions some day and my problem will be over, the idea of allowing the game master to determine when I win in life, or when to be happy or sad (even though I don’t want to be sad).

One of the first things most people consider when making a decision on a path in life to follow is if that path promises quick gratification, that was actually why I choose to gamble. I thought I will win millions with no or little stress and live my dreams. (I don’t have issues with gambling, but hopelessly depending on it is my worries.)

The tendency to always want instant success is always high, by that, we neglect the laws that govern growth.

You reading this article, I  believe you are at least some years older (your age?). Definitely, it took you years to be what you are right now mentally and physically. We all came into this world weighing about 2 to 5 kg, and now you are weighing at least tens of kg. No doubt, it took years for you to grow to this extent. If you think of it that way, you will wonder why most people want to obtain what is precious to them in a matter of minutes, an hour or a day, why do people neglect modus operandi of the same law that made them what they currently are.

I wish I know about all this when I was eighteen ( to patiently grow to what I want) I would have started working on what I want today eight years ago. eight years would be enough for me to build the kind of life I wished for today if I had committed to improving only 1% every day.

The 1% Rule

 

1% is all we need to actualize our future desires, what this means is that whatever you wish to become In the days ahead start improving today 1% on the path to that. The 1% rule is like growth. Growth doesn’t happen instantly, growth happens gradually. Any form of growth that happens instantaneously is always bound to crumble.

Examine 1% rule around you, the farmers used it, they clear, cultivate, plant, weed all through the spring and patiently wait for the plant to grow and mature and reproduce, then they harvest in summer. They don’t plant today and harvest today or tomorrow.

Civilization uses it, whatever we are today is as a result of little efforts of men and woman combined for thousands of years. Civil engineers use it, they dig foundation today, lay bricks tomorrow, they roof the next day, little effort every day, 1% Improvement. As humans, we naturally adhere to it in the growth of the physical body. But the most important place we need to practically use the 1% rule is in becoming the kind of person we wish to be.

The thing is in 5 to 10 years now you will arrive, the questions is where will that be. The Idea is that if you can commit to improving 1% every day in anything, in 5 to 10 from now you will be about 1825% to 3650% better than anyone who is not improving 1%. Imagine what 1825% of being better in any area of life will feel like or make you.

For example, if you want to read a book to acquire wisdom and knowledge from great minds, all you have to do is read a page a day, in a year you have read 365 pages which is equivalent to a book, in five years you will read 5 books. If you read 5 books in any field there’s no doubt that you will become one of the top 10 most sorted after in that field.

Looking at it also from a writer perceptive, if you write 1% every day, maybe 100 words every day, in a year you will have written about 35,650 words, that is enough to make up a book (novella), in five years you will have written 5 books. Writing a book is what 80% of people out there won’t do in their entire life, but working with 1% rules you can do it in a year.

1% rules validate the wisdom of Lao Tzu (China philosopher) when he said “the journey of a thousand miles journey begins one step.” It supports the idea that you can’t do all things today, but you can do a little bit of all things.

1% rule is futuristic, you may not be at the top today, but you might be there tomorrow.

I will like to end this article by asking you, now that you know how easily you can gradually grow to the person you wish to become, What are you going to do today? Improve 1% on that project or wait and hope for the right time to improve 100%.

I guess you will choose to improve 1% every day.

3 Areas To Start On Self Development Journey

personal development

Have you ever wondered what personal development is all about.

Personal development is about consciously developing oneself to a better state in life, it’s about always creating a better version of oneself, it’s about becoming a better person than you where yesterday.

Personal development is something you do consciously, without the consciousness in the process, it will become just normal human development.

According to Biologists, human beings development never stops, our physical organs may stop growing at a certain time, but they never stop maturing or advancing. What this means is that our body might change due to maturity, we might become wiser, more experienced, If you take a personal inventory, you will observe that you are more knowledgeable and experienced than you were two years ago.

inasmuch as you keep interacting with the world, and the clock keeps ticking, you will continue to gain more experience, knowledge and wisdom, organs will keep maturing, this is the natural human development activities, it’s an unconscious development process.

Personal development is different, it entails taking conscious action towards becoming a better you, In the acts of personal development, you are always in a conscious state, seeking ways to positively create a better version of yourself.

The process involves being curious, asking questions, learning beyond supervision, thinking differently, setting goals, and taking actions, all these sum up to develop and create a better version you in areas such health, wealth, spirituality, love and relationships

personal development

If you are thinking of starting a personal development journey, here are three place to start on

Your body (physiology)

According to biologists, there are trillions of cells that make up the human body, these cells make up tissues, tissues which make up various organs, the organs then make up your entire body.

Understanding your physiology, it’s functions and it’s capabilities, is a great place to start your personal development journey. When you understand how your body functions, you will be able to identify the parts that need the most development and also the parts that will aid you in developing yourself.

Have you ever thought of how your injuries get to heal without no external refilling? Or how and why you get sick? I was surprised to know how complex the human brain is after watching one documentary about the human brain, it’s capacity and functions are incredible and remarkable.

Most people don’t know the powerful tools they carry around as brain, some people have stop learning because they feel their brain won’t contain facts anymore.

According to researchers, the average human only uses about 10% of his or her brain capacity before death. This means most people go to the grave with 90% of free space in their memory bank, space that could have been used to process ideas, information, experiences that could have been of value to them in life.

How about your muscles, how strong can human build their muscles? As strong as they wish.

Understanding how different components of your body works can help you with best methods to shape then, there are books and videos on human autonomy out there that can help you in this aspects.

Your mind

How are you able to walk, talk, and do some other things without being conscious of your actions?

The mind is the great gift God gave to man kind, it’s a great piece of machinery, it’s the part runs our life, this is one component of our being as human that makes us different from other animals.

Understanding the workings of your mind will serve you greatly in your personal developments journey.

How do your thoughts originate, how do you form habits, how do break habits that are not empowering you, these are questions that might prompt you finding out more about the workings of your mind.

Understanding this part of your being where the beliefs and philosophies that shapes your life are developed and installed will surely help you to become a better version of yourself.

Natural laws and rules of life

The universe is governed by certain rules and laws .

Most of our problem in life is that, we work against natural laws and then spend the rest of our time praying for favourable results.

There is the law of gravity, if by someone walks out from a window of a five storey building, the person will fall and probably land with his head, gravity will not change it’s course because someone is ignorant of its law, it always operate based on its law. But if you find a way to work with the law you win, this is why see aeroplane flying in the sky, it’s working with natural law not against it.

How about the principles of farming, to reap in the summer you plant in the winter, these are natural laws, the issue is we obey them in some aspects of our life, and violates them in some other aspects, mostly important aspects.

Understanding the laws and rules that govern the universe will help you build your personal development on a solid foundation.

Here is the takeaway here, If you are interested in becoming a better version of yourself, start studying your physiology, study your mind and the laws that govern life, and also give yourself time to develop, you didn’t walk the first time you tried walking but now you can walk and run.

Five Ways Dating Couples Can Get More Out Of (Distance) Relationships.

Distance relationships

When it comes to relationship (romantic), you really don’t have to take any advice from me. The reason is that I have failed miserably at it. But, If you are the type that likes to learn from other people’s mistakes or failure, then this might interest you.

As at the time of writing this post, I just break up with my girlfriend. I loved her and I will miss her. Things didn’t work out, for so many reasons which I can’t explain here because of privacy, the bottom line is we called it off.

Actually, it was a practical distance relationship.

After the break up we spoke for awhile during which we had a “no holdback section”  we spoke our mind on what went wrong and what we could have done better. That discussion was an eye-opening, at least for me. It validated some of my thoughts and in some cases proved me wrong. Some of the ideas I’m about to share with you below were inspired as a result of that discussion.

I have learnt a few things about distance relationships from the angle of failing at it, I feel you can get one or two ideas about distance relationship from me, at least to know what to avoid or embrace in other to get more out of your own relationship, either distance or close.

Distance relationships

Let me share some of tips with you

Trust and commitment then love are the building blocks

If there’s no trust and commitment, just forget about it, because without these two things there’s no way the relationship is going to work out.

Both of you won’t be seeing each other, you might know what he or she might be doing at a particular time of the day. If you don’t trust him or her if you keep thinking what if he or she is with someone easy, automatically you will start feeling cheated, which will definitely lead to bias feeling and then playing safe.

However, there is no need to play safe, there’s even nothing like playing safe, playing safe is cheating. Your relationship won’t work when you have your attention scattered out there, there’s no way you will give something your best when you have options. Playing safe makes your distance relationship faithless. If you have tried and you see that it’s not working, call it off. You playing safe might be at the expense of your partner’s emotion unless it’s intentional.

If there’s trust, commitment and then love, then we can talk about other issues.

There should be something to be hopeful for

Hope is one of the source of happiness in life. This also includes happiness in relationships, more especially distance relationship.

Why are we here? What is our intention for this relationship? Are we heading to the altar or to the gutter? Are we in for fun or for something serious? When are we seeing again? What are your personal plans for the future? These and many other questions need to be answered to get a clear sense of what to be hopeful for in a relationship more especially distance ones.

When there’s something to be hopeful for each person get to know his or her row to play and more importantly have something to think about during the times of loneliness.

Calls should be un-regular

Don’t have regular call time, don’t set a particular time or day to call your partner. Calls should be un-regular, It should sometimes come unexpectedly or as a surprise but frequently.

Here is why I suggest no regular call time, when you set a regular day or time to call if you (he or she) fail for whatsoever reason to keep up with that time, negative thinking takes charge, thoughts like what is he or she doing? why hasn’t he or she called, maybe he or she is with someone easy etc.. Trust me those sort of thinking is not healthy for your relationship, especially distance relationship.

Don’t hold back your thoughts.

If you feel he or she is getting anything wrong, talk it out with him or her. Don’t just feel he or she should know what is best to do. You should know He or she might be acting on his or her best knowledge about life, so talk it out with him or her.

You know, both of you are different,  from two different paths, different upbringing, different culture and possibly different religion. You both will always have different opinions and perceptions about issues in life, the only possible and effective way he or she will know his or her has erred is when you talk it out. Actually, the major challenge in talking things out with your partner is picking the right time, another challenge is doing it right if you pick the wrong time and do it wrong it end up an argument.

Arguments are your biggest enemy in a relationship especially distance ones, so try to avoid it.

Be willing to make sacrifices.

Sacrifice can be on little things, it doesn’t have to be you killing yourself. (it might actually get to that point, but don’t do it, trust me.) But It can be you going outside your comfort zone to his or her comfort zone.

It can be showing your utmost commitment to the relationship

It can be putting yourself in your partner shoes and trying to understand his or condition.

It can be assisting him or her to chase his or her dreams.

Always act in your best capacity physically and emotionally, there’s a reason you possess those strong abilities, use it to work out your relationship.

Focus on his or her strength.

I believe anything you focus on grows, improve or expand. So, focus on his or her strength.

In his or her strength is where the virtues that can make you both happy lies. And that is probably where your love was built from. His or her strength is probably what you saw and fall in love. Why focus on his or her weakness now, have you forgotten that no one is perfect. Complimenting your partner’s strength will make him or her feel better than commenting on his or her weaknesses, remember no one (including you) like to be criticized whether doing things wrong or right.

Ok, that is it, for now. I hope these ideas help you, as I believe it will help me get more out of my future relationship.

Do you know anyone whom these ideas can help? please share with friends.

[Also read] What you can learn from a painter on finding a fulfilled life 

What You Can Learn From A Painter On Finding a Fulfilled Life.

Sometimes I’m scared, I’m scared of messing things up. I really don’t want to fail in anything, I don’t even want to make mistakes in anything. I want to make the right decisions in relationships, in choosing a life partner, in building a business, in investing and so on, i want a fulfilled life.

I’m also positive that things will be ok. But being positive don’t get things done, what gets things done is action.  And about not making mistakes, I’m not sure about that, because it seems mistakes are part of the process.

Some where, I read or watch Tony Robbins, he said “when you ask the right questions you get the right answer.”

I Asked, I’m 26, how do I get to shape my life, how do I direct my life towards the path of good health, wealth, love, good relationships, happiness and freedom which are what I believe are the components of a fulfilled life? What easy on earth can one want life if not these things?

Then the answer came, I was surprised that an answer came so quickly. But I shouldn’t be, certainly when you asked the right questions you get the right answers, and sometimes you get it so quickly. Most of our problems exist because we have not pressed the right button which has the ability to open doors for our problems to leave. And Sometimes not pressing the button is because we don’t even know that the button exists.

Learn from a painter (artist). That was the answer I got.

What can we learn from a painter?

“Look at that empty canvas in front of him” ok, I see it. (I know you can’t see anything, but just imagine being in a painter shop). “Can you see those mixtures and collections of colour?” yeah I see them. Do you also see the brush he’s holding?”, yeah. Now let me tell you, the beauty of his paint will be determined by what he does with those tool at his disposal. Wisdom.

I guess it’s left for me to interpret and relate to the idea suggested to me by the unknown. It’s probably not a proverb, but my elders use to say ‘you don’t tell a child a proverb and interpret the meaning to him or her if you do that it means that the bride price of his or her mother is a waste’. I don’t really believe about the bride price of a thing, but I know I just need to figure out by myself the message in that idea.

What tools do you have? Most of us have great tools, some people are smart, some are fast, some are beautiful and handsome, some are intelligent, some can make you laugh, some can make you cry, some are multi-skilled and almost all of us have the ability to learn. Like that painter, our abilities is our tool, what we do with it determines how our future will turn out to be.

The canvas is worthless until the painter paints on it. In other words, what makes the canvas valuable is the quality of the arts that sit on it. We can also say that what will make our future enjoyable is the action we take today.

In 5 to 10 years from today, we will arrive,  our destination will depend on the action we take today, tomorrow and next.

Remember, the first step to building a fulfilled life is knowing what you want, if you don’t know what you want you won’t know what to do. Just like in creating art, it starts with the painter knowing what tools he needs. For me, what I really want are good health, wealth, love, good relationships, happiness and freedom.

But the truth is, things don’t come because we want them, they come because we take action.

You should know, recognizing your ability is the first step to building a fulfilled life. Just like in creating art of paint, it starts with identifying the tools you need, the painter knows he needs colours, brushes, canvas and his imagination.

Then, the next step is taking action, taking action today with the tools we have. Remember, the painter, If he doesn’t paint (action) on those canvases (our future), they will remain worthless.

But I asked again.

how do I become more healthy before 35?

Exercise, eat well, drink lots of water, these for physical health.
Read, listen, watch for mental health.

How do I become more wealthy by 35?

Add value to peoples lives.

How do I love her more?

Trust her and focus on her virtues

How do build good relationships?

Do to others what you want them to do to you.

How do I become free?

Whether freedom from mental slavery or rat race, what you need is to, always thinking for yourself, dont allow anyone do your thinking for you.

How do I always be in the state of happiness?

See your past as a lesson, be curious in the present and be hopeful of the future.

I am hopeful, I hope to live the fulfilled by 35, but I better take actions now with the tools I have.