When it comes to relationship (romantic), you really don’t have to take any advice from me. The reason is that I have failed miserably at it. But, If you are the type that likes to learn from other people’s mistakes or failure, then this might interest you.
As at the time of writing this post, I just break up with my girlfriend. I loved her and I will miss her. Things didn’t work out, for so many reasons which I can’t explain here because of privacy, the bottom line is we called it off.
Actually, it was a practical distance relationship.
After the break up we spoke for awhile during which we had a “no holdback section” we spoke our mind on what went wrong and what we could have done better. That discussion was an eye-opening, at least for me. It validated some of my thoughts and in some cases proved me wrong. Some of the ideas I’m about to share with you below were inspired as a result of that discussion.
I have learnt a few things about distance relationships from the angle of failing at it, I feel you can get one or two ideas about distance relationship from me, at least to know what to avoid or embrace in other to get more out of your own relationship, either distance or close.
Let me share some of the ideas with you:
Trust and commitment then love are the building blocks
If there’s no trust and commitment, just forget about it, because without these two things there’s no way the relationship is going to work out.
Both of you won’t be seeing each other, you might know what he or she might be doing at a particular time of the day. If you don’t trust him or her if you keep thinking what if he or she is with someone easy, automatically you will start feeling cheated, which will definitely lead to bias feeling and then playing safe.
However, there is no need to play safe, there’s even nothing like playing safe, playing safe is cheating. Your relationship won’t work when you have your attention scattered out there, there’s no way you will give something your best when you have options. Playing safe makes your distance relationship faithless. If you have tried and you see that it’s not working, call it off. You playing safe might be at the expense of your partner’s emotion unless it’s intentional.
If there’s trust, commitment and then love, then we can talk about other issues.
There should be something to be hopeful for
Hope is one of the source of happiness in life. This also includes happiness in relationships, more especially distance relationship.
Why are we here? What is our intention for this relationship? Are we heading to the altar or to the gutter? Are we in for fun or for something serious? When are we seeing again? What are your personal plans for the future? These and many other questions need to be answered to get a clear sense of what to be hopeful for in a relationship more especially distance ones.
When there’s something to be hopeful for each person get to know his or her row to play and more importantly have something to think about during the times of loneliness.
Calls should be un-regular
Don’t have regular call time, don’t set a particular time or day to call your partner. Calls should be un-regular, It should sometimes come unexpectedly or as a surprise but frequently.
Here is why I suggest no regular call time, when you set a regular day or time to call if you (he or she) fail for whatsoever reason to keep up with that time, negative thinking takes charge, thoughts like what is he or she doing? why hasn’t he or she called, maybe he or she is with someone easy etc.. Trust me those sort of thinking is not healthy for your relationship, especially distance relationship.
Don’t hold back your thoughts.
If you feel he or she is getting anything wrong, talk it out with him or her. Don’t just feel he or she should know what is best to do. You should know He or she might be acting on his or her best knowledge about life, so talk it out with him or her.
You know, both of you are different, from two different paths, different upbringing, different culture and possibly different religion. You both will always have different opinions and perceptions about issues in life, the only possible and effective way he or she will know his or her has erred is when you talk it out. Actually, the major challenge in talking things out with your partner is picking the right time, another challenge is doing it right if you pick the wrong time and do it wrong it end up an argument.
Arguments are your biggest enemy in a relationship especially distance ones, so try to avoid it.
Be willing to make sacrifices.
Sacrifice can be on little things, it doesn’t have to be you killing yourself. (it might actually get to that point, but don’t do it, trust me.) But It can be you going outside your comfort zone to his or her comfort zone.
It can be showing your utmost commitment to the relationship
It can be putting yourself in your partner shoes and trying to understand his or condition.
It can be assisting him or her to chase his or her dreams.
Always act in your best capacity physically and emotionally, there’s a reason you possess those strong abilities, use it to work out your relationship.
Focus on his or her strength.
I believe anything you focus on grows, improve or expand. So, focus on his or her strength.
In his or her strength is where the virtues that can make you both happy lies. And that is probably where your love was built from. His or her strength is probably what you saw and fall in love. Why focus on his or her weakness now, have you forgotten that no one is perfect. Complimenting your partner’s strength will make him or her feel better than commenting on his or her weaknesses, remember no one (including you) like to be criticized whether doing things wrong or right.
Ok, that is it, for now. I hope these ideas help you, as I believe it will help me get more out of my future relationship.
Do you know anyone whom these ideas can help? please share with friends.